It was too quiet one day. I went to look for Calvin and this is were I found him.
He was on his big boy bed, playing with his computer. Such a cutie pie.
On another note, my garden is growing fast. I finally transplanted these little buggers to the big garden.
Calvin Drinking his kale, yogurt, berry smoothy! So tasty.
You think I was preggo’s with the way I have been craving coleslaw! This here is an Asian slaw. SO tasty.
Speaking of baby…………….isn’t Calvin so cute?
This is a blog post I wrote a while ago about my struggle with PPD. The reason I didn’t post it right away *(back when April of 2011) was simply because I was embarrassed. If you or anyone you know is struggling with PPD, please seek help. It is a serious disease and so often there’s so much shame that goes with it. It can be severe – like never get out of bed – or it can show itself in smaller ways like my story. As always, if you need an ear, please contact me.
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Here is my story:
They say when you have a baby to enjoy it because time flies by so fast. I understood this when Calvin was a newborn but there was a part of me that was so ready for him to grow up. It will get better after 3 months, then I would hear, it will get better after 6 months. It didn’t get better. I went to seek help. I couldn’t take the feeling of hopelessness and lack of interest in everything, including taking care of Calvin.
How is that a good life for my son? I would ask. I’m I crazy for feeling like this? How and where did the last 2 months go? I was suffering in silence and trying to conceal my distress from others. This was supposed to be the Happiest time of my life, right?
Looking back on my life before I asked for help, I realize how much my mind was affected by my PPD (postpartum depression). It’s a sad thing when you’re holding your baby in your arms and the tears are just rolling down your face. Not because you are so filled with joy that you could burst but because you have this deep sadness that you just can’t seem to shake and you don’t want that. The worse thing about that was that I couldn’t even explain at the time why I was so sad. Sure I had good days where I felt the complete and utter joy of being a mother but more often than not I felt distant from Calvin and my husband.Anyways, being a mother was not what I thought it would 
be. We decided I’d stay home with Calvin, which was a huge change. I thought my sadness and loneliness was because I was a very social person and needed to be with people. I thought that I wasn’t handling being a mother well and couldn’t wrap my mind around why I didn’t feel closer to my son. Six months of feeling that way. Yuck. Finally I sought help. Yes, I soon became one of the 25% of women that are diagnosed with postpartum depression.
I was ashamed at first. I didn’t want to tell anyone. There were a few friends that were very 
helpful and supportive. Right after I was diagnosed I felt terrible about the way I had been acting towards Calvin and Alan. I now can openly talk about my PPD to other women. It was really hard at first, and surprisingly, we all have similar stories.
I had been on medication for over a year and finally have coped with my issues. I am happy to say that I no longer feel the way I did.
I am in love with my son.
I love and appreciate my husband more than I ever have.
I do think about dealing with PPD again after baby number 2. But this time I will be more aware of my feelings and emotions.
Being a good mom means taking care of yourself.
If you take care of yourself, you can take better
care of your baby and your family. Seek help
Postpartum Support International
Postpartum Depression Fact Sheet
Today I wanted to share with you, that I am able to cross of one of the things on my 30 before 30 bucket list.
The feeling was not what I had expected after paying and driving off. I wondered if she would pay it forward to someone else? Was she confused on what was going on? The mystery of not know is killing me! I cried when I drove away. I hope my power of giving will trickle down to others.
I dont know you lady, but I hope you enjoyed your coffee!
