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Two months before Rogan’s 1st Birthday we had a very serious doctors appointment. After many kind people pointing out Rogan’s lazy eye we finally saw a pediatric Ophthalmologist. I was really nervous about his appointment and concerned for the out come.
What is Duane’s Syndrome?
According to American Association for Pediatric Ophthalmology and Strabismus
Duane’s Syndrome is a group of eye muscle disorders that cause abnormal eye movements. People with Duane syndrome have difficulty rotating one or both eyes outward (abduction) or inward (adduction).
There are 6 muscles in the eye that control all the movements and Duane’s syndrome is a mis-wiring of those eye muscles. In Duane syndrome, the sixth cranial nerve that controls the lateral rectus muscle (the muscle that rotates the eye out towards the ear) does not develop properly. The problem is the nerve that transmits the electrical impulses to the muscle.
So far Rogan doesn’t face any other characteristics beside the “lazy eye” look and that one eye is smaller then the other. In Rogan’s case, Duane syndrome does not require surgical treatment at this point in time. Surgery for Duane syndrome is indicated for one of four reasons:
- To reduce strabismus
- To eliminate a socially unacceptable head position
- To eliminate a significant upshoot or downshoot.
- To eliminate disfiguring enophthalmos.
The goal of treatment is to restore satisfactory eye alignment in the straight-ahead position, eliminate an abnormal head posture and to prevent amblyopia. All which he shows no signs of. Some cases those with Duane’s Syndrome have other medical issues. He is one lucky dude and cute!
For me life lately has been pretty busy. Summer is in full swing and I’m checking off items of the summer bucket list. What does that mean for you? well the typical silence that you hear. That could be a good thing for some, who don’t give a rats ass about my blog, but you still read it.
I’m here to fill you in about what is going on in life. This is life lately.
I wake at 5 am, some days 530am. Not because children are in need of me. I’ve found a great routine starting with a bootcamp class that I give 100% to. It’s been a month of enduring vigorous boot-camp challenges and fatigue. Recovery hasn’t been glorious. It leaves me tired on days that I do it for 1 hour and 30 mins. Oh and it leaves me hungry!
I get home at 7am to be handed off my children from a husband who has 20 mins to get ready for work. I cook and make them breakfast and we are usually out the door by 9am.
OH it doesn’t stop.
We head to various fun activities, some days its backyard play. But whatever it may be it last till about 1130, when all hell breaks free because it’s feeding time.
I might have sat down for a few minutes if they were playing in the backyard, but most likely I didn’t. I tend to the garden.
I put Rogan, who is now 14 months old to bed. He is phasing out of his first nap, which is great and leaves for a longer afternoon nap time.
I quickly jump in the shower and wash off my 530am sweat. Yup I stink by now and you know it. I constantly watch the clock counting on the little dudes nap to get shit down around here, like the 3 piles of laundry waiting to be washed, folded, and put away. I could possible blog about something, but that shower has taken 30 mins. I needed to shave my legs. It’s summer time people!
It’s 1 pm and I’m burnt toast. I try to find time to take a 15 min break, reading!! Yup reading, its a novelty around here to do, but I try to find time to do it. That really only leads to 5 mins of reading and a 15 min power nap. My eye grow heavy and it’s just to hard to stay away. If I get no nap, consider that I have wine in my glass and I’m on my second cup.
I can give you a laundry list of shit I do till Rogan wakes, but it’s just domestic stuff. Pfff to that.
Rogan wakes at 330. He gave me enough time to prep dinner and wash dishes, maybe.
I don’t have time to blog during nap, unless I don’t shower. I miss you all and I miss writing. And the night only gets more crazy. So I’ll leave you to that. This is life lately!
It’s taken a dramatic hit on my writing and blogging.
My oldest is 3 3/4 years of age. Over the last 2-3 months the whining kicked it. MY ears are so sick of this whining and it really gets the best of me. It really makes me cave in quickly to something I already said NO to. I’m doing it all wrong for sure.
What is whining? It’s your little one’s more mature form of crying. It’s there to get your attention.
Rule # 1 : Stop giving in to the whining. He Whines because it works on me. Instead, to stop the whining I will try to be empathetic to his feelings first. ” Telling you no really made you feel disappointed, sad”. Move on in conversation, location after showing youre empathy for his feelings.
Rule #2: Set the reminder. “Uh-oh, your nice voice has disappeared! I wonder where it went!” Proceed to look for it by calling “nice voice where are you?”
Rule # 3: whining is a call for attention. Maybe I need to sit back and engage more often and remember rule 1 and 2. Make sure that your child gets enough of your positive attention, unprovoked. I’m lacking on this big time!
Remember: Children only continue behaviors that get results.
Lets’s recap June
- One month of classes left and I want to give them my all. Accomplished
-I will run my first EVER 1/2 Marathon. Accomplished (and I didn’t die)
- After my 1/2, which is the first week in June, I will resume my Monday and Friday schedule of cross training doing HILT with some running. Accomplished
- Try out ONE new class at the gym this month. A friend of mine recommended YOGA. The only YOGA I’ve ever done was when I was pregnant. It really wasn’t what I call a workout, but I think I could benefit from much needed stretching. Only problem is , it conflicts with my Zumba class. Failed, but went to Zumba instead, so really its an accomplishment in my book
-Take ONE day where the boys and I go do something special in the late mornings. HOly batman, its been almost EVERY MORNING. Accomplished.
1. Continue to Rock my 530 am boot camp classes. It’s always a challenge to get up that early, but week 2 is here and I’m already feeling stronger. I will go at least 3 days a week!
2. Read a new book: seriously any book will do. I really miss reading. I’ll choose one book this month and finish it. Any suggestions?
It amazes me how much Calvin LOVES to pretend play. We were lucky enough to get a hand me down shirt that came with a cape. A stunt man cape to be exact. It’s his new favorite shirt to wear, and he does it so well. Check out his stunts.
Not sure I really need to explain this Non-scale Victory. Pictures don’t lie!!
These two pictures were taken almost 6 months apart. The before was in December of 2013, only 7 months p postpartum. The other was just about two and a half weeks ago. I see amazing changes just in my face alone. While the photos are taken from different angles and lighting, I do notice that my face is much more skinnier. Do you see it too?
It’s not a shocker to see the weight come off at the scale. But that little thing likes to play with your mind way to much. PICTURES my friends are where you see proof, along with clothing. They don’t lie to you!
So today’s non- scale victory is a comparison of my face 6 months apart. I like what I see!
My whole world revolves around my kids. They wake up at
6 5am, I wake up with them.
Your little comes home from school sick, the next day you have the same illness.
I sleep, eat, and drink these kids, day and night.
Losing yourself to motherhood is like a rite of passage. The problem is, finding your way back. There were many times in the past 4 years that I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO idea what the heck I was doing.
But the difference between back then when I lost myself in motherhood and NOW, is the fact that motherhood doesn’t come with texts books. I had to make my own and I now know that. In the book I’m writing, I’ve found ways to be a better mom, a better wife, a better person and how to be ME AGAIN.
As a matter of fact, none of the books out there I’ve read or the prenatal classes I attended for my first son, ever told/shown motherhood like it really is.
Which for me I’ve learned or figured out on my own and coped with.
You will lose a part of yourself when you become a mother. But also that you will find an inner strength like no other.
I’ve also found a new me, which isn’t completely bad. Heck, I even shaped a new part of me which I’ve been digging. I’ve never felt stronger in my life. I’ve done things I could never possible imagine was possible being a mom.
Don’t limit yourself because you feel lost. Find your limits and get lost in them. Being a mom is hard work, but losing yourself is hard enough to manage. I don’t want to be sending my kids out the door when they are young adults only to be left wondering who is this woman that they are leaving behind. For me, staying grounded as a woman needs to be given priority too. (As does being a wife – my other incredibly important role.) Some may say I give less to my children. Surely there are ways to do it that don’t mean giving less to my children (or to my role as their mother) while also creating healthy boundaries that will serve all of us for the long haul.
How do I not lose myself in motherhood, YOU ASK?
Slowly I found my groove. Since having children I’ve had to tone down the traveling, readjust my life and work schedule, and breath.
I know that in this point in my life I will probably give far more time to my children than I give to myself (and to most people in fact) and I’m making peace with that.
But I also know it’s important for me to continue to grow as a person, continue to explore my own passions, continue to give time and attention and focus to other areas in my life too AND I AM.
Why yes, I ‘m going to barf on you.
This post has nothing to do with barf and to do with everything else. It’s one of those days where words just spew from my head to a lovely blog post. This one, the one you’re reading now. So brace yourself for the barf of ideas, words, thoughts, in no random order. Need a napkin yet to clean up?
Barf round 1:
So for the last 3 weeks the kids have been getting up before 6 am. While 5:45 isn’t as bad as it seems to get up, 5 am is. I’m sick of this bullshit of getting up so early. It makes me a cranky monster in the morning. Once one kid is up, it’s hard NOT to wake the other one up. For some reason we are a loud family. There is no tip toeing, inside voices, or quietly shutting doors. Even at 6 am it’s not so bad, but 5am it is. I’ve been losing 1 hour of sleep for the last 3 weeks and its driving me NUTS. The kids do go to bed at 630pm, so there is a win win for everything.
Barf round 2:
Where the fuck did my mojo of running go? I accomplished a huge running milestone and bam…… I hate running!
Actually I don’t hate running, I just don’t have a purpose to run. MUST FIND purpose! Oh yeah…. I’m dropping pounds and gaining muscle. I’m switching gears and finding myself staying away from running. I managed to squeak out 4.5 miles last week. THAT’S IT! My knees are still sore from the half and I just don’t know if I want to run.
Barf round 3:
I can’t keep up with dirty towel and clothing. The summer is here and we go through at least 3 outfits a day. I don’t mind my kids getting dirty, but still. Maybe their new outfit of the day will be their birthday suit. I can’t keep up.
NEED A NAPKIN YET?
Just about two weeks ago I wasn’t sure if I could cross my own fence. Going back and forth about running my first half was pretty intense. After crossing off my first goal to run a 15k and talking to other runners before hand, doing a half marathon wasn’t to far off in my training.
So I ran with it literally. I printed out a half marathon training plan, did a little tweaking and made it work.
I ran my FIRST Half Marathon over the weekend. It was an emotional journey of running. Its in the books. I finished.
I cried at the end!
I cried at mile 11 when my body felt like giving up. Every thing hurt, except the tip of my nose.
But in the end, I was happy with my time 2:53. It only get’s better from here on out. I try to remember the journey and where it all has started.
- Sunday- Ham Steak with home made potato salad and steamed carrots
- Monday- Spinach and feta stuffed portobella mushrooms on the grill with potato salad
- Tuesday- Pork Tenderloin with cucumber Dill Salad
- Wednesday- Hawaiian Grilled Cheese with pickles and chips
- Thursday-Fish with whole grain rice and zucchini strips
- Friday- Pizza
- Saturday- Chicken lettuce wraps
Just a huge piece of my childhood screams RHUBARB. While growing up with a huge garden rhubarb was among the first to find it’s way out of the dirt and spread its leaves. Eager to pick our first crop, rhubarb was the choice and very easy to harvest.
No longer a little girl, but still a huge Rhubarb fan I’ve found ways to enjoy this crop.
Strawberry Rhubarb Oatmeal Bars
Yields: 16 small bars in an 8X8 inch baking pan
- 1 cup rolled oats
- 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/2 cup light brown sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 5 tablespoons of coconut oil melted
- 1 teaspoon cornstarch
- 1 cup small-sliced rhubarb (from about 1 1/2 medium stalks)
- 1/2 cup small-sliced strawberries
- 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
Heat Oven on 375 degrees
Line pan with parchment paper for easy removal and clean up.
Mix rolled oats, flour, sugar, salt and coconut oil together. Set aside 1/2 cup for topping
Press mixture into the sides of the pan until evenly spread.
Add sliced fruit (both Rhubarb and Strawberries) on top then sprinkle with cornstarch, then add remaining fruit. Scatter with oatmeal topping.
Bake 30 minutes
Let cool in pan and then cut.
- Sunday- Cabbage Roll ups-Filled with meat and rice
- Monday-Grilled Shrimp with Salsa Fresca and Avocado Salad
- Tuesday- Grilled Roasted Spinach Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms and grilled zucchini
- Wednesday- Potato Salad and hot dogs or grilled chicken breast
- Friday- PIzza
- Saturday- 1/2 marathon DAY (you’d be dreaming if I was going to cook)
Menu Plan tip- Planning a Menu SAVES TIME
- Save Time – Every Saturday morning, I sit down and plan out the menu for the following week. It takes me about 20 mins to do this. I look at the store flyer’s for the following week and coordinate my meals based on what is on sale. I don’t get over board in this category, I am just being mindful. To be honest there are weeks that I don’t ever open up a store flyer’s and I certainly don’t use coupons at the store I shop at (shame me later).
So lets recap on last months goals. Oh wait……… I never wrote any goals. You can read my April goals here. I did however conqueror a few running goals in the month of May. It was a busy month of appointments, parties, birthdays, working my 3rd PT job and running. I survived but have nothing to recap about.
-June is the last month of teaching and summer break arrives as a teacher. I really look forward to a break. Still, I have a month of classes left and I want to give them my all. I plan to start one last project with all of the grades I teach. No slacking even tho its JUNE.
-I will run my first EVER 1/2 Marathon. I really want to set a time to come in by, but since it’s my first I am going to let it be what it is. I’m just really over the moon about this Non Scale Victory. I’ve trained for a few months and finally feel ready to rock it.
- After my 1/2, which is the first week in June, I will resume my Monday and Friday schedule of cross training doing HIIT with some running. I really want to focus on sculpting and building more muscle with in before I start Training again for my 1/2 in October. I continue to go to Zumba on Wednesday nights.
- Try out ONE new class at the gym this month. A friend of mine recommended YOGA. The only YOGA I’ve ever done was when I was pregnant. It really wasn’t what I call a workout, but I think I could benefit from much needed stretching. Only problem is , it conflicts with my Zumba class.
-Take ONE day where the boys and I go do something special in the late mornings. I’ve been feeling like we haven’t ventured out lately enough. So far we have planned, a day at the beach, A day at the Lake with friends, water park fun, swimming at the local pool. Let the summer begin.
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”- Mahatma Gandhi.
Dear Dirty Feet,
Most Sunday’s you’ll find me running my long miles for the 1/2 Marathon I’ve been training for. I finally conquered 10 miles of running, per my training plan with T-12 days left to the big event. It’s been over 4 months OR MORE of training, over 150 miles run, two pair of shoes later, and many trips to the chiropractor for adjustments.
After running an awesome 10 miles I was stuck with your feet in my face. I have a hard time with your negativity, especially after feeling so proud about my HUGE accomplishment, 10 miles in MY book. Most of the time I let dirty foot prints I see slide, but this time I wasn’t going to be pushed over and stepped on with your negativity.
I will choose not to let you or anyone else destroy my confidence by belittling and undermining my life. Especially my running and anything that has to do with it.
Maybe YOU don’t know, but running has been my sacred spot for sometime. It’s allowed me to free my mind from depression, anxiety and has made it more clear. It’s brought me weight lost, great friends, closer to my family, and a new found self.
Sunday I was out there running for 2 hours straight, when your negativity made me crumble after MY LONGEST RUN YET. If only knew how hard it’s been to get to this place of 10 miles and to fight the voice in my head that says “don’t go for a run today”. I ‘ve been running and training week after week, day after day. You just saw my highlight reel. Up until this point, you have NEVER asked or commented about my running progress, EVER! Your dirty FEET walked through my mind after that long run on Sunday and I had to make a choice.
I Made a choice to not let YOU or anyone walk through my mind, heart, soul, or running progress with their dirty feet. Your words are painful and stuck me right in my heart.
Be kind. Because words are powerful. Words can lift you up or tear you down.
The Mom who will keep on surrounding herself with positivity.
While I haven’t been showing you here on the blog what I’ve been planning for dinners, I still manage to write them down on the weekly menu planner that hangs on the refrigerator. I love cooking and what I love more is being organized for the week. Here is our Menu Plan of Dinner for the week.
- Sunday- Hot Dogs and Burgers at a friends house
- Monday- Eating out at a BBQ
- Tuesday- Shrimp and Asparagus over egg noodles
- Wednesday- Curried Chicken and Broccoli in couscous.
- Thursday- Roasted Beet and Goat Cheese Salad with a sherry walnut Vinaigrette
- Friday- Homemade Pizza with Olives
- Saturday- Something Yummy. I haven’t decided what will be for dinner
Here is what is on the Menu for Lunch:
- Monday- Fish and Fries
- Tuesday- Cheese Quesadilla with salsa and Strawberries
- Wednesday- Leftover Shrimp and Asparagus with peas
- Thursday- Left over Curried Chicken with carrots/celery
- Friday- Fruit Salad and cottage cheese
Snacks this week include:
- Peanut Butter with Pretzels
- Cheese and Crackers
As you see on my list of snacks this week include, carrots/celery, cheese and crackers, raisins, and peanut butter with Pretzels. I literally CUT up all the carrots celery and cheese a head of time and placed them in the refrigerator. It makes for easy mindless snacking. It took me about 30 mins prep time (I do have two kids bugging me, so it might take you less time). 30 mins isn’t a huge amount of time to plan good, healthy snacking.
Over the weekend I got to celebrate a post Mother’s Day with a bunch of ladies from my moms club. One of the leaders who also has boys my age, is pregnant with her third baby. We jokingly told her she needs to have a girl as it’s just another person to tell to take their hands out of their pants.
Which leads to the fact that raising boys comes with ” grabbing their junk” frequently. At the party there were a few new’er moms with boys. We began to tell them the stories of our littlest grabbing their junk, and their faces became priceless.
I found my husband and two kids on the couch watching TV with their hands down their pants.
My kid yanks on it and pulls it far.
So to all mothers with boys, get used to them grabbing their junk. The wiener, pee-pee, penis. Whatever term you use. Watch out because they yank it, pull it, stretch it, and place random objects on it. IF there is ANY down time like TV watching, bath time, EXPECT for their hand to gravitate to it like a magnet.
Last week I wrote about running with no regrets. I mention that the 1/2 Marathon that I’ve trained so hard for wasn’t going to occur until October, not in 2 weeks.
I then realized that I had a fence of fear up. I was overwhelmed at that moment when I decided NOT to run a half. In that moment I had a lot going on and was extremely doubtful about my ability to run a 1/2 Marathon.
I’ve only gone 9.3 miles ever. Is this long enough of training to get me to 13?
My time wasn’t great for that 9.3 miles either. Will I make it to the 3 hour cut off? It would be slightly embarrassing to cross the imaginary finish line, because they TOOK it down already.
I would spend most of the weekend away from my family. They might just fall apart without me, right?
I am I ready for a 13.1 miles? My training wasn’t good enough.
There was a load of doubt and fear hanging on my fence, and its time I cross my own fence.
If your body never knows what it feels like to go longer, harder, or faster, your mind will never trust that it can. And the only way you can force your mind to believe is by crossing your own fence. — feeling confident.
I’m feeling confident about running my 1st half marathon. I am pumped to be making an awesome shirt to wear for my run. I am pumped to have the Presque Isle Runners by my side to give me that EXTRA push to the finish line.
That fence is pretty damn HIGH and I am ready to open the gate to let myself in. I am running my first 1/2 Marathon June 7th!
After a long weekend of fantastic events, I sit here and recap.
I worked Friday night till 10pm, which is 2 hours after my normal bed time.
I woke early to get ready for my biggest and longest race, a 15K. I was scared, nervous, and excited about this race. Just had my mind on other things. Like my son’s 1st Birthday party where I had over 20 people here.
The race was awesome. I had a blast. The party was also a load of fun.
Sunday was Mother’s day and I was BURNT OUT. My husband and I had a great talk, which was really needed. He expressed a few things about my running. I don’t disagree what he had said and realize how it all affects my family.
Running and training for any race takes time. BOTTOM line. I run with no regrets, but do realize that I miss some valuable weekend time with my family. I run to get away, and now realize that THEY NEED ME. So instead of doing that 1/2 Marathon in June, like I anticipated, I am going to cut back on my high mileage training runs for the summer time.
I will run my 1/2 this year, just not till October. For now, I will focus on improving my 5k time and enjoying the easy, less demanding runs.
1 year ago Today, I gave birth to another baby boy.
After 27 hours of labor I was so ready for his appearance.